Thread Rating:
11-06-2007, 10:46 PM
[B]Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:[/B]
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
On a Church's Billboard:
"7 days without God makes one weak."
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
"Invite us to your next blowout."
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."
And don't forget the sign at a
Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
"7 days without God makes one weak."
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
"Invite us to your next blowout."
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."
And don't forget the sign at a
Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
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11-06-2007, 11:43 PM
lol...those are good.
11-06-2007, 11:47 PM
At a Auto Body Shop:
"We meet by accident"
"We meet by accident"
11-07-2007, 05:53 PM
Bubba listened to the preacher at the revival and when the preacher asked those with needs to come forward for prayer, Bubba got in line.
When it was his turn, the preacher asked, "What do you want me to pray about?"
Bubba said, "Pray for my hearing, preacher."
The preacher put one hand over Bubba's ear and his other hand on top of Bubba's head and prayed a while. Then he removed his hands and asked, "Bubba, now how is your hearing?"
Bubba answered, "I don't know, preacher. It's next Wednesday at the Baton Rouge courthouse!"
When it was his turn, the preacher asked, "What do you want me to pray about?"
Bubba said, "Pray for my hearing, preacher."
The preacher put one hand over Bubba's ear and his other hand on top of Bubba's head and prayed a while. Then he removed his hands and asked, "Bubba, now how is your hearing?"
Bubba answered, "I don't know, preacher. It's next Wednesday at the Baton Rouge courthouse!"
11-16-2007, 01:07 PM
The university's gymnasium hallway displayed basketball team pictures from the past forty years.
In every photo, one player, sitting front row center, held a basketball identifying the year of the team: 94-95, 95-96, 96-97, 97-98, etc.
One day, a senior on the basketball team noticed a cute, blonde freshman cheerleader staring curiously at the photos. The senior, hoping to score a few points off the court, commented about the team's history.
Impressed, the cute, blonde freshman cheerleader said: "Isn't it amazing how the teams always won by just one point?"
In every photo, one player, sitting front row center, held a basketball identifying the year of the team: 94-95, 95-96, 96-97, 97-98, etc.
One day, a senior on the basketball team noticed a cute, blonde freshman cheerleader staring curiously at the photos. The senior, hoping to score a few points off the court, commented about the team's history.
Impressed, the cute, blonde freshman cheerleader said: "Isn't it amazing how the teams always won by just one point?"
11-17-2007, 10:30 AM
Women's Humor
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
11-17-2007, 11:42 AM
Midee1 Wrote:The university's gymnasium hallway displayed basketball team pictures from the past forty years.I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!
In every photo, one player, sitting front row center, held a basketball identifying the year of the team: 94-95, 95-96, 96-97, 97-98, etc.
One day, a senior on the basketball team noticed a cute, blonde freshman cheerleader staring curiously at the photos. The senior, hoping to score a few points off the court, commented about the team's history.
Impressed, the cute, blonde freshman cheerleader said: "Isn't it amazing how the teams always won by just one point?"
11-19-2007, 01:29 AM
Our Pastor told this one.
One day after a Sunday service, a young 5 year old lad approached the pastor and while shaking his hand, slipped the Preacher a dollar bill.
The Preacher looked at the kid and asked why he gave him money?
The kid said that he felt sorry for the Pastor and wanted to help.
Stunned, the Pastor asked, "why do you feel sorry for me?
The Lad replied...." Daddy said you were the "poorest" example of a Preacher he had ever seen"!
One day after a Sunday service, a young 5 year old lad approached the pastor and while shaking his hand, slipped the Preacher a dollar bill.
The Preacher looked at the kid and asked why he gave him money?
The kid said that he felt sorry for the Pastor and wanted to help.
Stunned, the Pastor asked, "why do you feel sorry for me?
The Lad replied...." Daddy said you were the "poorest" example of a Preacher he had ever seen"!
11-22-2007, 10:43 PM
And The Fun's Just Beginning
A woman and a man were involved in a car accident--it was a bad one. Both of their cars were totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of them were hurt.
After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said, "So, you're a man--that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are both unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends, and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man thoughtfully replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she handed the bottle to the man. The man nodded his head in agreement, opened it, and drank half the bottle. He then handed it back to the woman. The woman took the bottle, and immediately put the cap back on, and handed it back to the man.
In surprise, he asked, "Aren't you having any?"
"No," the woman replied, "I think I'll just wait for the police."
A woman and a man were involved in a car accident--it was a bad one. Both of their cars were totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of them were hurt.
After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said, "So, you're a man--that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are both unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends, and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man thoughtfully replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she handed the bottle to the man. The man nodded his head in agreement, opened it, and drank half the bottle. He then handed it back to the woman. The woman took the bottle, and immediately put the cap back on, and handed it back to the man.
In surprise, he asked, "Aren't you having any?"
"No," the woman replied, "I think I'll just wait for the police."
12-02-2007, 12:13 PM
Double Daring
A blonde, a redhead and a brunette sign up with a tourist group and chartered a double-decker bus to go to London. There are only two seats left on the bottom of the bus and only one seat in the top of the bus available when they board. They decided to take turns riding in the top and flipped a coin to see who got the first turn. The blonde won the toss.
A couple of hours later it's the redhead's turn so she walks up the stairs, and sees the blonde sitting there scared half to death. She's clutching the seat in front of her so hard that her knuckles are white.
"What's going on?" the red head asks. "We're having a grand old time down below."
The blonde replies, "Yeah, but you've got a driver."
A blonde, a redhead and a brunette sign up with a tourist group and chartered a double-decker bus to go to London. There are only two seats left on the bottom of the bus and only one seat in the top of the bus available when they board. They decided to take turns riding in the top and flipped a coin to see who got the first turn. The blonde won the toss.
A couple of hours later it's the redhead's turn so she walks up the stairs, and sees the blonde sitting there scared half to death. She's clutching the seat in front of her so hard that her knuckles are white.
"What's going on?" the red head asks. "We're having a grand old time down below."
The blonde replies, "Yeah, but you've got a driver."
12-05-2007, 11:16 AM
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, history, lineage, recent FBI background check, psychiatric evaluation, and updated medical report from your doctor.
1. NAME _______________________________
DATE OF BIRTH ________________
2. HEIGHT ______________
WEIGHT __________
I.Q _______
G.P.A.____________
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________
DRIVERS LICENSE # __________________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK______________________________________
5. HOME ADDRESS _____________________________________
CITY/STATE ___________
ZIP __________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? _____
If No, EXPLAIN ________________________________________
7. Number of years your parents have been married _____
8. Do you own a van? _____ A truck with oversized tires? _____ A waterbed? _____
Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring, or a tattoo? _____
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises)
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
12. Church you attend ___________________________
How often do you attend? ________________________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister?____________________________
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)
a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is____
b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my____
c) A woman's place is in the____
d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is____
e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is____
(NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up?___________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS.
________________________________________
Signature (That means sign your name)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If you do attempt any communication before your application is approved, automatic disqualification will result.
If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might want to watch your back).
Do you still want to date my daughter?
_____ Yes, please accept my application
_____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong house...
RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER
As a dad, I have some basic rules, which I have carved into two stone tablets that I have on display in my living room.
Rule 1: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule 2: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule 3: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist.
Rule 4: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill you.
Rule 5: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule 6: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.
Rule 7: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places lacking parents, policemen, or nuns. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her chin. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay.
Rule 8: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless commander of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule 9: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car-there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
12-05-2007, 11:21 AM
:thatsfunn :thatsfunn :thatsfunn
12-05-2007, 11:24 AM
LMAO... Thats Great!
12-05-2007, 12:28 PM
love it
12-05-2007, 04:07 PM
1. NAME - Blackcat Football
DATE OF BIRTH - 6/3/1990
2. HEIGHT - 6 Foot
WEIGHT - She won't be interested, its a surprise.
I.Q - Genious
G.P.A. - 3.6
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # 460-56-3648
DRIVERS LICENSE - I prefer you to drive sir.
4. BOY SCOUT RANK - Master Sargeant
5. HOME ADDRESS - 825 Blackcat Blvd.
CITY/STATE - Prestonsburg, Kentucky
ZIP - 41653
Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? - Yes
If No, EXPLAIN ________________________________________
7. Number of years your parents have been married - 17
8. Do you own a van? No - A truck with oversized tires? No A waterbed? No
Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring, or a tattoo? - No
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises)
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
Whatever time you need be in SIR!
10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? Don't go below the belt. Anything above their is open for touch and feel.
11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you? Do not touch my body.
12. Church you attend - Yours
How often do you attend? When you do.
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister?On your terms.
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)
a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is face.
b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my nose.
c) A woman's place is in the bedroom.
d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is criminal record.
e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is your daughter's beautiful eyes which she got from her mother.
(NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? Coach
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS.
Blackcat Football (AKA- Clark Kent)
Signature (That means sign your name)
DATE OF BIRTH - 6/3/1990
2. HEIGHT - 6 Foot
WEIGHT - She won't be interested, its a surprise.
I.Q - Genious
G.P.A. - 3.6
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # 460-56-3648
DRIVERS LICENSE - I prefer you to drive sir.
4. BOY SCOUT RANK - Master Sargeant
5. HOME ADDRESS - 825 Blackcat Blvd.
CITY/STATE - Prestonsburg, Kentucky
ZIP - 41653
Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? - Yes
If No, EXPLAIN ________________________________________
7. Number of years your parents have been married - 17
8. Do you own a van? No - A truck with oversized tires? No A waterbed? No
Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring, or a tattoo? - No
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises)
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
Whatever time you need be in SIR!
10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? Don't go below the belt. Anything above their is open for touch and feel.
11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you? Do not touch my body.
12. Church you attend - Yours
How often do you attend? When you do.
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister?On your terms.
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)
a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is face.
b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my nose.
c) A woman's place is in the bedroom.
d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is criminal record.
e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is your daughter's beautiful eyes which she got from her mother.
(NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? Coach
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS.
Blackcat Football (AKA- Clark Kent)
Signature (That means sign your name)
12-05-2007, 04:17 PM
^lmfao!
12-05-2007, 04:49 PM
BlackcatFootball Wrote:1. NAME - Blackcat FootballYou was doing pretty good until I got to #10, #14c and d. Now I'm going to have to kill ya.
DATE OF BIRTH - 6/3/1990
2. HEIGHT - 6 Foot
WEIGHT - She won't be interested, its a surprise.
I.Q - Genious
G.P.A. - 3.6
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # 460-56-3648
DRIVERS LICENSE - I prefer you to drive sir.
4. BOY SCOUT RANK - Master Sargeant
5. HOME ADDRESS - 825 Blackcat Blvd.
CITY/STATE - Prestonsburg, Kentucky
ZIP - 41653
Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? - Yes
If No, EXPLAIN ________________________________________
7. Number of years your parents have been married - 17
8. Do you own a van? No - A truck with oversized tires? No A waterbed? No
Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring, or a tattoo? - No
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises)
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
Whatever time you need be in SIR!
10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? Don't go below the belt. Anything above their is open for touch and feel.
11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you? Do not touch my body.
12. Church you attend - Yours
How often do you attend? When you do.
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister?On your terms.
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)
a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is face.
b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my nose.
c) A woman's place is in the bedroom.
d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is criminal record.
e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is your daughter's beautiful eyes which she got from her mother.
(NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? Coach
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS.
Blackcat Football (AKA- Clark Kent)
Signature (That means sign your name)
#5 just about done ya in. But I can look over that though.
12-05-2007, 04:55 PM
Midee1 Wrote:I would have to see pictures first.No pictures until you pass the application process.
:devilflam
12-05-2007, 05:09 PM
Midee1 Wrote:I'm a bit to old and I really don't think my wife would approve at all.It's probably for the best anyway, cause I wouldn't approve either.
12-05-2007, 05:12 PM
were u being serious about this application or was it just supposed to be funny? casue i think some ppl are taking it seriously
12-05-2007, 05:19 PM
12-05-2007, 05:20 PM
Yes it was meant to be funny. I hope I didn't offend anyone. That was not my intent. Just all fun and games.
12-05-2007, 06:52 PM
Mine was pretty funny IMO.
12-05-2007, 08:34 PM
Okay...I didn't know. I thought it was funny!! But then again I got worried for a second that you actually might be serious about finding someone for a daughter.. you have to excuse my brain farts
12-05-2007, 08:38 PM
*Central_Cheer_Chick Wrote:Okay...I didn't know. I thought it was funny!! But then again I got worried for a second that you actually might be serious about finding someone for a daughter.. you have to excuse my brain fartsNo problems, They (my daughters) are only 12 and 6.
There will be no dating at my house for a LONG time, unless it's me and my wife.
12-05-2007, 09:10 PM
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'guys.'
I told my wife that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the shots and beers went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my wife would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with her. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, I told her 'MIDNIGHT'... she didn't seem ****ed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one! Then she said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.' When I asked her why, she said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh ****.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted!
I told my wife that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the shots and beers went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my wife would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with her. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, I told her 'MIDNIGHT'... she didn't seem ****ed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one! Then she said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.' When I asked her why, she said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh ****.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted!
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